Are YOU in an Abusive Relationship? Quiz!

Hey girls! We're going to be starting a series on abusive relationships. This will be our first series here on To Die For, and we're very excited about it! :) This is the first post in the series. This post is going to be a little different from the rest because this post is going to be a quiz to help you determine if you're in an abusive relationship. You may know what an abusive relationship is, have no clue, or only know a little about them. It's fine either way, we're just hoping that this quiz can help point you in the right direction and help you get an idea if you may be having some issues with an abusive relationship or not. This series will include detailed descriptions of what abuse is, the different kinds of abusive relationships, how to get out of an abusive relationship, how to help a friend out of an abusive relationship, how to heal from a past abusive relationship, and how to prevent getting into an abusive relationship in the future.

Directions: Don't worry, this isn't going to be something complicated. You guys are like, a quiz? Really? Aren't we in summer? Yep, I'm sure most of you are. But don't worry, it won't be that bad. In fact, you can answer all of these questions with a simple Yes or No. Easy, right? I thought so.


1.) Does he continually blame everyone else or you for his problems? Have you heard him say things like, "You're so calm and together, and she was so crazy and paranoid."? If so, he is blaming someone else for his problems. If he's saying things like, "If you wouldn't have given me such an attitude, I wouldn't have had to.... (fill in the blank here)", he is blaming you for his problems. This is a bad sign upfront because it's showing that he's not going to take the blame for any of his own actions and can later try to make you believe that everything he did was your fault.

2.) Has he been known for calling you reguraly to find out where you are, what you're doing, or who you're with? If so, this is a sign of him being very controlling, which usually goes hand in hand with abusive relationships. Most of the time, in abusive relationships, the abuser can be very controlling or demanding. They can ask lots of questions and always seem to want to know what you're doing. What may be disguised under him being all sweet and caring about you, is really that he just always wants to know what you're doing 100% of the time. Your guy is supposed to genuinly care about you and your interests, but they are not supposed to be in your buisness 100% of the time in such a demanding way.

3.) Have you noticed a drop in friends or the people close to you since you started dating/spending more time with him? If so, this is because he is trying to issolate you away from your friends and family. He desires to have control and he feels more in control when you are alone. Alone means you're volunerable. With these types of guys, they desire to have control and don't like having anything getting in the way of that. Most of the time, you can experience a drop in friends without even really noticing it happened. It's not going to be black and white that it's your guy's fault, but always remember that if everyone else around you doesn't think he's good for you, chances are he isn't.

4.) Is he continually criticizing you on your looks or telling you ways you can "improve" yourself? If so, he's knocking your self esteem. The less highly you think about yourself, the more control he has over you. These guys can criticize you quite openly, or sometimes in a sarcastic mannar, and then when you become offended over it, tel you that you are just "over reacting" and need to "lighten up" Well girls, if he is joking around about your appearance at all, he's not trying to help you in any way. Don't get caught up in the lie that he wants you to really "improve".

5.) Does he try to rush you into a relationship too quickly, or try to convince you to do things you may not be comfortable with? This one goes back to his desire for control again. It may come off as him being really pushy and wanting to date you right NOW and not wanting to wait, or it could be something deeper as him trying to push you into something you're not ready for, such as kissing or drinking.

6.) Can you tell him anything without having him blow up, blame you, or midunderstand your meaning? Relationships are supposed to be built on trust and understanding. If he's continually blowing up on you and causing you to feel like you have to "walk on eggshells" in order to not make him angry, he's not exacting being understanding. You should be able to feel comfortable talking to your partner, and shouldn't feel so stressed to talk with him.

7.) Does he always seem to be overly interested in you and ask you lots of questions to "get to know you"? Sorry girls, but in this case, he's not just interested in getting to know you, though that's what he wants you to think. He's actually using all the information you're giving him to understand you better and how you work, only to use this information against you later. That's such a huge sign of an abusive relationship. Are they taking information and using it against you? That's never a good sign.

8.) Does he threaten to hurt himself or someone else if you leave? This one is pretty straightforward, but if so, that is never a good sign. They are trying to control your emotions here by making you feel bad and worried. You wouldn't want them to hurt themselves if you left, so you use that as an excuse to stay.

9.) Do they try to convince you that you can't persue your dreams? What may be disguised as a helpful suggestion saying they think you can't do something, is really a direct insult to you. Chances are, they know that you are capable of persuing your dreams, but the more you branch out away from them and their grasp, the less control they keep.

10.) Do you feel like you both are always fighting or fear "punishment" of any sort if you make him upset? You should never fear your partner, period. But if you and your partner are always getting into fights, the relationship isn't a healthy one already. Fearing punishment is worse because then you've associated that doing different things can create negitive responses in him such as not talking to you for a defined amount of time, physically punishing you, or verbally yelling at you until you give in. Usually giving in would be something like saying you're sorry, admitting he's right, or agreeing on something that gives him more control.

11.) Does he ever hit you, create bruises by pinching you or forcefully grabbing you, push or shove you, or tell his friends to "playfully" hit you? This one might be a little more ovbious, but if he's forcefully laying a hand on you in any way, you would answer this question with a yes. He shouldn't be forceful with you physically under any condition and should be respectful of your space and body.

12.) Has he ever said, "You would if you loved me"? If he's ever trying to get you to do something by telling you that you would do something if you loved him, the relationship is not headed in the right direction at all. Remember that the right guy is going to be respectful of you, your beliefs, and your dreams.

13.) Did he say, "I love you" right away? What might come off as sweet, can also come off a little creepy. He may show signs of wanting to jump right into the relationship quickly, and one of the ways he does this is by telling you he loves you dearly.

Note: Not all of these things are going to necessarily be displayed right away in a relationship. And though I tried to cover lots of different things that could be going on in an abusive relationship, there are many more signs that I haven't covered. I'd encourage you to find more information out there on symptoms of abusive relationships to help you identify if you are indeed in one.

If you answered Yes to any of the questions above, you're in an abusive relationship and you need to get out. You don't deserve to have the guy that you're currently with. Remember that we're all children of God and he cares about us dearly. He doesn't desire to watch his children get hurt or put down in any way. I'd encourage you to stay tuned for our next posts in this series where we'll be covering ways to get out of the abusive relationship, and ways to heal from the past. Remember that we're also here for you! If you need someone to talk to about this, or anything, feel free to send us an email form our "Contact Us" page and we will get back to you shortly. You don't have to go through this alone, we're here for you.

If you answered No to all of the above questions, then there is a good chance you're not in an abusive relationship. Like I said, I don't think I covered every possible sign of an abusive relationship out there and if you wanted to clarify, you can do some more reaserch, but I tried to cover some of the broad topics and major warning signs. We also welcome you to continue to read the series even if you're not in an abusive relationship now, because it could help you stay out of one for the future, or help a friend out of one someday as well. If you have a friend who is in an abusive relationship and needs help or prayer, feel free to contact us using our "Contact Us" page at the top of the blog and we would love to hear from you.

~Angelica